Safety planning is very important in an abusive relationship especially when planning to leave or when you have a protection order in place. Call us at 701-225-4506 to set up an appointment where we can create your own customized safety plan.
Safety during an incident
- If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where there is an exit. Avoid the bathroom (near hard surfaces) and kitchen or anywhere near weapons.
- Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, or stairs would be best. Visualize your escape route. Pack a suitcase and keep it in a secret but handy place so you can leave quickly.
Ask neighbors to call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.
Make up a code word you can use to signal your children, family, friends, or neighbors that you need the police.
Make a plan for where you will go if you have to leave home. Do this even though you don't think you will ever need to leave home.
- Teach your children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
Safety when preparing to leave
- Determine who might let you stay with them or lend you some money.
- Always try to take your children with you or make arrangements to leave them with someone safe.
Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, and some extra clothes with someone you trust.
Open a savings or checking account in your own name to establish or increase your independence.
Keep the resource center number close at hand and keep coins or a calling card with you at all times.
- Review your safety plan with a domestic violence advocate who will help plan the safest way to leave your abuser.
Safety with a restraining or protection order
- Keep your restraining order or protection order with you at all times. If it is lost or destroyed you can get another copy from the Clerk of Court. Leave extra copies at work, with a friend, with a neighbor, and in your car.
- Call the police if the order is violated and think of ways to keep safe until the police arrive.
Tell your friends, family and neighbors that you have a restraining order or protection order in effect.
- Try to avoid places in the community where your abuser may be present.
Safety on the job and in public
- Decide who to tell at work about your situation. Inform security officers at work and give them a picture of the abuser. Arrange to have someone screen your telephone calls if possible.
- Make a safety plan for leaving work. Have someone escort you to your car. Don't always use the same route home. Plan what you would do if something happened on the way home.
Safety in your home
- Tell your neighbors and your landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see your abuser near your home.
- Rehearse a safety plan with your children for those times when you are not with them. Teach children why they must not open the door.
Tell those in charge at your children's school or day care about who has permission to pick up your children. Give them a copy of the restraining/protection order.
- Change the locks on your doors and windows. Replace wood doors with steel doors. Add a peephole and increase outdoor lighting if possible. Borrow a cellular phone. Change your telephone number. Screen calls using an answering machine.
Should you leave?
Leaving your partner is not the only option. You may want to discuss other options with an advocate. Call any of the phone numbers and an advocate will gladly discuss these options with you.
Checklist: What to take with you when you leave
Driver's license, car title and registration
Children's birth certificates
Your birth and marriage certificates
Green Cards
Money, Credit cards, ATM card
Copy of your restraining or protection order Lease, rental agreement, or deed to house Checkbooks and bank books
Insurance papers House and car keys Medications Address book
Pictures and small items of sentimental value Social security card
School records
Medical records (vaccination and others) Welfare identification
Divorce papers
Jewelry
Children's small toys and special blankets
Pets (if you can take them)
Small items you can sell
